Chemistry
Chemistry, that magical feeling of sparks that we all crave in our relationships. Meeting someone and just feeling that immediate connection with them, oh so amazing. It's the start of something fantastic, real and meaningful....or is it? We know that chemistry goes deeper than attraction, since we can meet someone who we visually find attractive and feel no chemistry, or sometimes meet someone whom we do not at first have a visual attraction and feel chemistry with them. This means it must run deep and be powerful and meaningful right? How can something that feels so intense mean nothing at all? Well the truth about chemistry is a little more complicated. At some point we have all chased after those feelings and sparks only to end up falling flat on our face. Even though we know that chemistry can sometimes burn, we all crave that chemical high because it feels so good while it lasts.
So where does this chemical high come from? It does come from inside of us, but what if I told you that you were the one responsible for producing this? That chemical reaction is coming from things inside of you that are being triggered by another person. It is almost a feeling of anxiety, being unsafe and unsure. Maybe that person is triggering our insecurities, such as, are we attractive enough to be with them? We have this need to prove ourselves driving us forward. Maybe their behaviour is a bit unpredictable, so we don't know if they are going to stick around. We never feel safe and this drives the excitement of every call or text we get from them.
Chemistry and chemical attraction is like a roller coaster ride, there are so many feelings that are activated. Not all of them are good, some are feelings of anxiety, insecurity and fear, but they are all backed by adrenaline because of the unpredictability, which makes it so addictive. When we feel this adrenaline, to calm ourselves we begin to project on the other person. We meet a man and we feel that chemical attraction and we start to plan our whole lives with him, because that is how we calm our nerves. We start to imagine what it would be like to go on vacation with him, introduce him to friends and family and what kind of husband or father he would be. The truth is though, we don't even know him yet. It feels so exciting to start thinking about these things because our adrenaline is pumping and we don't feel safe in believing that this will all actually happen.
On the contrary, how many times have you met a nice man, he might look attractive, but he is boring. There is no chemistry. He picked you up, he brought you flowers, he paid and he was a perfect charming gentlemen and yet you feel nothing. Why? The reason for this, gorgeous, is because that is the way it should be. A person you just meet, should not be triggering a flood of emotions inside of you. This man is not triggering those emotions because he is like a commuter train, steady and safe. You know the direction you are headed and how long it will take to get there.
So does this mean that you have to give up on chemistry to attract a lasting, high quality relationship? Not exactly. You only have to give up on initial chemistry, because initial chemistry is triggering the bad emotions. My clients will tell you that they have gone on to feel more intense chemistry with the guys that seemed like the boring commuter train in the beginning, than they ever thought was possible. When you take your time to get to know a man and you see him for who he really is, and he really is a good man, this will trigger a chemical reaction in you as well. This chemical reaction though, will be triggered by feelings of safety and trust and that is the type of chemistry that builds a lasting and unbreakable bond.
So gorgeous, if you are ready to find lasting committed love with a high quality man and ready to let go of that addiction to chemical love that is holding you back, please feel free to reach out to me at navi@naviblisscoaching.com and we can map out a way for you to step forward and claim the love you desire.